Life on the Edge 

So I have survived in Camp Eat for a whole week. I’ve been getting by but in an unfocused, numbed sort of way. This is purely self protection as otherwise I’d be tailgating someone right out of that door. I am able to have my two allotted 10 minute walks out with staff while I plod alongside and make desultory conversation but they are not always able to make time to accompany me and so I am having to discover alternative methods of distraction from the anxiety. For someone who is normally constantly on the go (and I know this is exactly what got me into this mess), this is a huge shock to the system.

The crazy camp rules are magnified by being an inpatient. This morning I was awakened at 5.50am to be weighed. There’s a queue for medication 3 times a day and given that I am living with 14 other highly competitive and controlling types of people I’ll leave that particular scenario to your imagination. Everyone is always very polite and controlled but there are undercurrents within the undercurrents. Communication is often by half smiles and glances. Silence at the dinner table is heavy with the unsaid.

I have been engaging with craft activities which is something I would never ordinarily have the time or inclination to do. There’s a whole new world of mosaics, scrap books, painting and colouring which I have enjoyed despite myself. Later, Dave comes and taps me on the metaphorical shoulder and whispers; ‘you must be a head case; fancy you knitting and sticking rather than engaging with a normal productive life. Man up for goodness sake’.

When I feel down I lose the capability to articulate my distress, I can only smile and say I am fine, otherwise I would have to find the means to communicate. I am having to keep the distressed, scared child locked in its cupboard for now.

Bread massacre – who can get he thinnest slice !!

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5 thoughts on “Life on the Edge ”

  1. This must be so tough and you are so strong for getting though this with such determination. I look forward so much to seeing you every day and I hope I bring with me a bit of a distraction. I can’t wait to see Dunkirk with you tomorrow!
    Love xxx

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  2. Hey don’t knock crafting! !! It’s my new passion. Needlefelting animals and crocheting silly hats and blankets. As another who cannot sit still it really helps to occupy my mind and makes me stop running around. The more complicated the pattern or design the more better!!! It’s great therapy! If you get good and want to sell anything in our shop just let me know!!!

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  3. Thanks Jo! You are amazing at the needle felting . I’ve also actually really been enjoying the crafting despite myself! I’ve been crocheting birds 🐦 which are sitting in a row on the sofa at home. Going to have a scrapbook day today so really getting in touch with my creative side 🙂 xx

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