I thought I’d provide an update on the picnic and it’s post-mortem. I honestly don’t know right now whether I actually feel worse or better after it, but I think on balance the sense of humour has kicked in and I am able to see the absurdity of the whole thing.
So five of us plus two staff members sat in a field in a circle and were handed out the allotted food. It was all ok, it was just a picnic after all. The sun was out. Of course it wasn’t that simple, one member of the party ate the bread roll, filling and bag of crisps but flatly (and hysterically) refused to eat the chocolate bar. Of course it was not about the actual chocolate bar which was all of 95 calories but a perceived lack of control or a breaking of internal rules. She was clearly finding the situation incredibly difficult. It turned by degrees into a loud and angry discussion, while passers by looked on in interest and the rest of us sat in uncomfortable silence. I was actually mortified but tried to disassociate myself and pretend I was on a desert island, although I am told that this is not a healthy response. What, I wonder would have been a healthy response to someone screaming about a chocolate biscuit in a public place? I haven’t seen the rules. Maybe I should have shouted ‘just eat the bloody chocolate and let’s move on’ very loudly?
Seriously though, I feel a great amount of compassion for the poor girl, goodness knows I have been there. I just wished everyone would shut up. Oddly, another member of the party made a great show of adding an additional slice of chicken to her sandwich, despite professing to be a vegetarian, adding 2 sachets of mayo and eating an extra cake. Funnily enough, the staff did not berate her for this, though in my view this behaviour is just as disordered as not eating enough.
We decamped back to the unit for the post mortem. As you can probably appreciate spending an hour dissecting a picnic is not on my list of life goals. It took all my strength to follow mutely and not just simply walk away and go home. What followed can only be described as a bun fight, with one patient saying that she thought it incredibly unhelpful to her own recovery when one member of the party refused an item of food and the tearful one responding, increasingly distraught, that this reaction was totally selfish. Meanwhile the smug one made it clear to everyone that she in fact had eaten more than her allotted share. Great, well have a certificate.
It leaves me wondering what the hell I have subscribed to. I fear I am in danger of turning madder by the day. I just want to spend my time with normal people doing normal things and earning a living doing something I am good at. That’s all.